w h y ?

why i cannot wake up in the "morning"? why i cannot do my assginments perfectly? why i cannot keep things neatly? why i cannot do things accurately? why i cannot talk to people with nice smile? why i cannot meet people with open-minded? why i cannot have a pride and keep it fulfilled? why i cannot meet with host-family friendly?
i just hate me a lot! i don't know what's goin' on here. i wanna go back to September and ask me why you are so doing nice! i, i... just wanna what?